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village

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A Season of Surrender

April 8, 2019

Well hey there! For the past few years, my life has been a chaotic swirl of going going going and a constantly packed calendar that was a maze of scribbled out tasks and arrows directing to where they would go if they weren’t completed in a day.

Then, as if by some mystical force, it all culminated in ONE week. I completed a 40 page thesis, printed it 5 times and presented to the local nonprofit that I had created a marketing plan for. It went so well, and the client was so happy with not only our research, but also with the presentation we had put together. I am still waiting on a final grade, but so far it is looking good. Stay tuned!

A few days later, my sisters threw me the most beautiful baby shower. It was Eloise themed, and every detail was absolutely outstanding. Everyone showed up in a big way and really spoiled myself, Sean, and Tiny Girlfriend in a big way. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and it is really an incredible gift to have everything I could need to care for my sweet girl once she arrives.

And with that, all the pent up stress and worry that my brain had been blocking out was lifted.

And my body decided: oh hey! I’m pregnant. I kid you not, the day after my baby shower, my body just decided it was going to feel like I thought I would feel while I was pregnant. I am more tired, and can’t move as fast. I am out of breath just carrying the laundry basket up from the basement to my bedroom.

This whole process has been so fascinating to me. To grow a whole human being over the course of 10 months is mind blowing. To do it while finishing grad school, and working is something I didn’t really take into account when making my plans. But somehow, I was able to manage all of these tasks at once. But what is really crazy to me is that now that I am done with all of these things, and have transitioned to only working from home, my body is demanding rest from me as it prepares for the biggest athletic event of my life.

This has taken an immense level of surrender on my part. I know I have mentioned this before, but I often find my value in how much I have accomplished in a given day, rather than just in having an intrinsic value.

And when your body physically shuts down at 2 PM saying: hey, I’m done, let’s sit and rest; it goes against the idea that you have to accomplish a lot in a given day. And yet here I am, feet propped up, bottle of ice water in hand and watching criminal minds and letting my body build up a store of energy for Tiny Girlfriend’s birthday.

I am really focusing on taking this time to be fully aware of the incredible thing my body is doing, and stopping to be thankful for the fact that I am good enough- sitting on the couch, or out running errands.

Gene informs me that after next week, she can come at any time. After ordering some final things on Amazon, and finishing her last load of laundry today, I feel like I can rest easy knowing I have done everything I can to be ready for her big debut.

I am surrendering to this newest phase of life. And learning how to love myself in this season.

Encounter

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

May 24, 2018

“How many times have we spoken about it and have we experienced it in our lives: the distance of our heart from Christ becomes distance between each other, so that we often feel like strangers to each other.” (Father Julian Carron, Fraternity Excercises 2018)

Something about this really struck me tonight.

Time is flying by at a pace I really didn’t believe to be possible, and as I look at my calendar, I am faced with the reality that not only has my hardest 6 months in recent past nearly come to a close, I also have done so without keeping in touch with any of my friends.

I have been so overwhelmed by the tenacity of my class, and my work that I have forgotten the people in my life that I love. I have pretty much become a hermit, surviving on Netflix and copious amounts of coffee.

So often in the past few weeks I have had someone that I love dearly say: “How are you? I miss you. I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.  I hope you’re well.”

I can only respond with the usual pleasantries of how nice it is to hear from the, and how I promise that soon enough I will be done with the craziness, and will be able to get back to being a human being again.

But reading this, I realize that my community, and the friendships that help me to the the best person I can be, are actually as important as I think they are.

They are important enough not to put on the back burner.

It is in these friendships that I come to encounter Christ, and the more that I think that I can do it alone, the more I close myself off to the mercy and support that God wants to give to me through these beautiful people.

Now look- I can’t make any promises. My weekends are still cuckoo bananas. I still go to class two nights a week. But if you’re reading this, and you’re one of those people who has been wondering if I fell of the face of the earth- shoot me a text or a message of some sort.

I miss you. I miss my village, and I can’t wait to get back into seeing you all again. Because I know that as soon as I fall into the rhythms of fostering strong and beautiful friendships, I will start to see God in my life on a regular basis again.