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Lifestyle

I’ll Keep You Safe, I’ll Keep You Dry

April 30, 2019

Pregnancy is such a strange and beautiful process. For 40 weeks, you give up your body for the sake of someone else, allowing them to take whatever they need to start their life.

With each week that passes, and each milestone you hit, there is a sigh of relief: you’re one step closer to meeting this tiny person you are in such close contact with every single day.

You share the news with your friends and family, then you share the news with the world, and there is a giant explosion of excitement, a baby! So small! So cute! I can’t wait!

A few months later, if you so choose, you find out if the baby is a boy or a girl, and can choose his or her name. There is another frenzy of excitement as all of the people closest to you start envisioning all the adorable clothes and things and gifts that they can get you for your sweet baby. And it is so humbling and fun to get the little onesie, or teddy bear that someone picked out especially for your baby.

If it’s your first baby, you may have a shower, and be so incredibly blessed by the outpouring of love that those people who love you so much shower upon you. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way to be loved so deeply, and to know that your baby is also loved so deeply.

Then, we start to sit and wait. The doctor gives you a month long window of when the baby could safely come, and you wait.

And each day, people ask you how you’re feeling, or if there is any movement and if the baby is gonna come. And you act like the adult you are and say “I’m feeling fine, thanks, the baby will come when she is ready.” What you want to say is: “Do you see a baby in my arms? No? Then NO. The baby has not come yet.” On a deeper level, what I want to say is: “We all have waited 272 days. She has at most 22 days left. This is the only time in her life where I can keep her perfectly safe. If I eat right, and avoid the things that I was told to avoid, and exercise and sleep and take my vitamins I can keep her safe. As soon as she is born, it is all on the table. I will not be able to protect her from the world, and with each day that she gets older, there will be a new set of fears that I have to face over and over again. So no, she is not here yet. And no, I am not miserable about it because in 22 days I cannot be her perfect shelter any longer. I am cherishing these last 22 days before my heart is beating outside of my body and I have to trust that I will do my best to raise her to be strong, smart, gentle and kind, and that though I will do anything to keep her safe, I also have to unleash her light into the world, and help her to make it a better place.

But the thing that is so befuddling to me is the commentary on my body. I am now realizing that I am a very lucky woman. I shop off the rack at every store I go to, and I can usually find something in my size that I would enjoy wearing. My boobs were always small enough that I could buy bras on a whim, and my shoes are an average size that every brand carries.

But lately, people I have never even seen before stop me in whatever store I am in to tell me how much longer I have because I am carrying so high. What these people don’t know (because they couldn’t know it, since they don’t know me from Adam) is that this comment is like a dagger to my heart.

You see, at each appointment starting at about 20 weeks, my practice takes out a paper tape measure and measures your belly from the top of your uterus to the bottom of it. Its a rough guess to help see if your baby is measuring on track (it is supposed to be the same number of centimeters as you are pregnant give or take two centimeters in either direction). I was tracking along perfectly for most of my appointments.

But then 7 weeks ago, my belly stopped measuring along with my weeks. I was within the realm of normal, but my doctor said I needed to have a growth scan just to be sure nothing was wrong. He didn’t rush order the scan. And he told me that everything was likely fine. I talked to a couple of my trusted mom friends and they said I was going to be fine. But I was crushed. What had I done wrong? Was my little girl going to be okay? I had done everything right. Why was my tummy small? Had she stopped growing? Would I have to have her early to try to give her her best chance?

For two weeks I cried every time I showered. I cried to one of my friends on Marco Polo telling her I didn’t know what I had done wrong. We went to our comfort measures class at the hospital and another woman, due one day before me, looked WAY different than I did and I cried myself to sleep worrying I had done something wrong. Those two weeks were pure torture.

Then we had our growth scan. And wouldn’t you know it, my little girl had just already dropped. She was head down, and in my pelvis, tracking at almost 5lbs and was totally fine. My body apparently didn’t want to stretch since my pelvis was a good support system for her, and just put her into that position instead of keeping her floating upwards.

My belly dropped 7 weeks ago. And it is still measuring behind. We had a second growth scan just last week, and baby was still low, and had had gained a pound and change. This is my variation of normal.

So any time some random stranger tells me that I’m carrying high, or that I still have a long time to go, it brings me back to each of those moments of fear, waiting to see if my baby was okay.

My body is unique. And my pregnancy is unique, as every woman’s body and pregnancy is. And it is really strange to me that people you don’t know find it okay to comment on your body and tell you how things are going when they literally have zero clue how your body does things.

Now, let’s also make a note that the last few weeks of pregnancy are hard. I am tired, my feet hurt at the end of the day, and there are a lot of hormones and emotions floating around as I get ready to bring this baby into the world. My body is making changes and getting itself ready. I am preparing my heart for the changes that are coming, and I am trying to maintain the level of excitement for everyone else, and put up with the random strangers at the store.

I am so excited that everyone is so excited to meet our tiny girlfriend. Believe me, no one is more excited than me to meet her. I have spent the last 39 weeks pouring my literal self into the creation of this little girl, and the moment I get to see her is going to be so mindblowingly amazing I don’t even know if I will be able to handle it.

But I am also dealing with all of the fear and excitment and transition of becoming a mother. And its a lot all at once. A newfound hero of mine, January Harshe is really big on holding space for parents in whatever they are feeling. And this is really something that I want to impress on anyone reading this. This is a really big moment in my life, and I am having ALL of the feelings to go along with it. Please, be patient and gentle with me as I step into this new role.

And to the old lady in aisle 7- just shut up. I don’t comment on your flabby arms. Stop talking about my belly.

Lifestyle

A Season of Surrender

April 8, 2019

Well hey there! For the past few years, my life has been a chaotic swirl of going going going and a constantly packed calendar that was a maze of scribbled out tasks and arrows directing to where they would go if they weren’t completed in a day.

Then, as if by some mystical force, it all culminated in ONE week. I completed a 40 page thesis, printed it 5 times and presented to the local nonprofit that I had created a marketing plan for. It went so well, and the client was so happy with not only our research, but also with the presentation we had put together. I am still waiting on a final grade, but so far it is looking good. Stay tuned!

A few days later, my sisters threw me the most beautiful baby shower. It was Eloise themed, and every detail was absolutely outstanding. Everyone showed up in a big way and really spoiled myself, Sean, and Tiny Girlfriend in a big way. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and it is really an incredible gift to have everything I could need to care for my sweet girl once she arrives.

And with that, all the pent up stress and worry that my brain had been blocking out was lifted.

And my body decided: oh hey! I’m pregnant. I kid you not, the day after my baby shower, my body just decided it was going to feel like I thought I would feel while I was pregnant. I am more tired, and can’t move as fast. I am out of breath just carrying the laundry basket up from the basement to my bedroom.

This whole process has been so fascinating to me. To grow a whole human being over the course of 10 months is mind blowing. To do it while finishing grad school, and working is something I didn’t really take into account when making my plans. But somehow, I was able to manage all of these tasks at once. But what is really crazy to me is that now that I am done with all of these things, and have transitioned to only working from home, my body is demanding rest from me as it prepares for the biggest athletic event of my life.

This has taken an immense level of surrender on my part. I know I have mentioned this before, but I often find my value in how much I have accomplished in a given day, rather than just in having an intrinsic value.

And when your body physically shuts down at 2 PM saying: hey, I’m done, let’s sit and rest; it goes against the idea that you have to accomplish a lot in a given day. And yet here I am, feet propped up, bottle of ice water in hand and watching criminal minds and letting my body build up a store of energy for Tiny Girlfriend’s birthday.

I am really focusing on taking this time to be fully aware of the incredible thing my body is doing, and stopping to be thankful for the fact that I am good enough- sitting on the couch, or out running errands.

Gene informs me that after next week, she can come at any time. After ordering some final things on Amazon, and finishing her last load of laundry today, I feel like I can rest easy knowing I have done everything I can to be ready for her big debut.

I am surrendering to this newest phase of life. And learning how to love myself in this season.

Lifestyle

What a Welch MBA Gets You

March 18, 2019

A Reflection on Greatness, Humility & Success

By: Shannon Kaschak

Nearly a decade ago, I walked into Management 101 with a red book in one hand and black and white composition notebook in the other. My professor was video conferenced in from Austria, and I sat down beyond confused by what was happening: why didn’t I have an in person teacher, and why had he sent me to Barnes & Noble for a book instead of making me buy a textbook? As we worked through Jim Collins’ Good to Greatand began to dive deeper into what makes a leader stand out from the rest, taking a company well beyond good and into the realm of great, I began to understand that my professor was setting me up for a lifelong journey of becoming the best that I could possibly be, rather than just making me memorize definitions for a midterm and final exam. 

It is fitting then, that as my business school career comes to a close, it is ending with me thumbing through a well worn book- dog eared pages reminding me of the things that really stood out and margins so covered in scribbles it’s probably time for a new copy. As I finish up the work to earn an MBA from Sacred Heart University, I feel that my education has come full circle from those first days of deciding if I even wanted to be a business major. Now, more than ever, I know that I have chosen a field that is not only one known for success, but also has the potential to impact the world in a profound way. 

As I think back on all of the things I have learned in the MBA program, I can see how each of my classes will become the cornerstones for the foundation of a great manager, bringing me through the various stages of becoming a Level 5 Leader. The first level is that of the Highly Capable Individual. From Accounting and Finance, to Microeconomics and Business Law, I refreshed my memory on skills I would need to be successful moving forward. Furthermore, I established strong work habits right out the gate- focusing on time management, goal setting, and acknowledging both my personal strengths and weaknesses when it came to the world of business. The second level is that of the Contributing Team Member. After completing the pre-requisite courses, I began to truly dive into becoming a better leader. Through rousing debates, role-playing and team building projects, I began to see how working with people from all different backgrounds and personality types could create both a strong working dynamic, and also could cause large problems amongst teammates. We focused on integrity, and humility, looking at how we could influence people without the use of force or rudeness, and learned to think critically about the environment in which I was working. 

The third level is that of the Competent Manager. As I dove into the Dynamic Business Management courses, it was time to put my money where my mouth was. I had relearned what a balance sheet looked like, was able to put together a decent budget, and had learned how to work in short bursts with people who didn’t work in the same way as myself. But for six months, I would find myself challenged to my core, as I truly began to learn what it meant to be a competent manager. With the end goal of creating a product from start to finish, my teammates and I dove headfirst into the course. What I hadn’t expected was to have teammates who functioned so vastly differently from myself. Deadlines were a thing that came and went, and often we would go long stretches of time without hearing from multiple people on the team. There is a saying that communication happens 7×7 ways, and it was here that I truly learned the meaning of this. In order to effectively lead a team, I had to be able to meet everyone where they were at, and often spent hours on various social media sites to be able to help other teammates with work that needed to be done. We were given a new teammate at the start of the second semester, adding yet another personality and now needing to bring him up to speed. Looking back on this process, I can say that I was not going anywhere past the Competent Manager level any time soon. I worked always for the sake of efficiency, making sure everyone hit deadlines, and kept lines of communication constantly open. When work didn’t get completed, I just plowed through making sure it got done and could be handed in, letting resentment settle into the back of my mind, and slowly beginning to show my teammates less and less understanding. By the time I had finished the courses, I felt like I had survived a small war, and started to think deeply about what had worked, and what hadn’t worked in helping with the team. Setting clear deadlines, asking for confirmation from teammates and being open to communication in any form had worked really well. But what hadn’t worked so well was my lack of empathy towards outside situations. I had made it clear that the fraternity formal wasn’t as important to me as this project was, and that if my grade suffered at the expense of the fun of senior week, I would be fairly upset. I was standing too close to the trees to see the forest. There is more to life than  passing a class, no matter how important that 3.7 GPA looks on paper. I knew going forward that this was something I was going to have to work on, making sure that I didn’t use my INTJ, Type A personality as a crutch to excuse less than stellar managerial behavior. 

When I started the capstone of the MBA program, my goal was to take all of the positives I had learned from the Dynamic Business Management courses and apply them to my new team. I also wanted to focus on keeping things in perspective, and being more understanding to the things going on in the lives of my teammates. There had to be a healthy balance between making sure everything got done, and still showing respect to someone else’s life. For my final semester of the MBA program, I wanted to work on becoming a level four leader. The fourth level is that of the Effective Leader. Keeping in mind everything I have learned over the past three years, I have intentionally spent this time keeping lines of communication open, rallying everyone towards final goals, and mediating spats caused by miscommunication. Rather than getting myself riled up over every little thing, I have tried to take a step back to look at the big picture. Everyone has a life and a job outside of school, and while this project is incredibly important, it probably didn’t need to feel like life or death at all times. Imagine my surprise when this attitude served me far better in helping the team to work well together, and accomplish goals that we had all set together. Sure there have been hiccups along the way: complete lack of communication, missed deadlines, and scrambling to make sure things have looked just right before handing them in. But with a deep breath and a reality check, these things were not the end of the world, merely things that needed to be addressed in a timely fashion. With a more gentle tone and the use of reason, it was easier to convince everyone that the team would be better off if we all worked together, rather than demanding everything be in by a set deadline. There were other classes, jobs, vacations and family events that needed to take precedence, and somehow, almost all of the deadlines were still met. Though there were still personality clashes, I focused on building bridges, openly communicating problems that I was having, and asking for real solutions from the whole team, rather than just isolating myself and working with the people that thought just like me. 

So how do I move into the realm of the Level Five Leader? The fifth level is that of Executive. Jim Collins spends a lot of time talking about the importance of humility when it comes to becoming a great leader that can take a company from good to great as well. Humility is a trait that will take a lifetime to fully understand. There is always a way to become a better version of oneself, and there is always a way to practice humility even further. I believe that true humility is seeing myself exactly as I am- nothing more, and nothing less. I hope with each experience I have, I will find many opportunities for deep personal growth, which will lead me to be the best leader I can possibly be. 

One of my final assignments in my capstone course was to read an article by Clayton Christiansen, called How Will You Measure Your Life? This seemingly small assignment packed a powerful punch and brought me back to my very first semester of college when I was trying to figure out what direction I was going to take as I started my adult life. In five hundred words or less I had to pick something that stood out to me in this article, and what stood out the most was that this man who teaches at the Harvard Business School takes time to ask his students what they will be able to look back on and be proud of. He talks about balance between work and life, and keeping everything in perspective. Christiansen also points to the stark reality that if there is not something that you are striving towards, you end up chasing after a fleeting form of happiness and instant gratification. This idea resonates with me deeply- because at the end of the day, it’s not really about bringing home lots of money (though that is of course, a nice bonus!). At the end of my life, I should be able to look back and see that my career was a time in my life where I effected great change, made the world a better place, and became the best person that I can possibly become. 

In the next ten years, I would like to continue to broaden my horizons, and gain as many experiences in both leadership and marketing as I can, while also raising a family. In the immediate future, this will be working with The Barnum Festival to build a strong Social Media Campaign and Digital Marketing Plan. I want to continue to utilize everything that I have learned, and become even more proficient in my chosen field. I want to continue to foster strong communication, and build connections with the many amazing people that I get to interact with on a day-to-day basis. I would like to continue to work from home, building a portfolio of work that is both powerful and creative, and brings about impressive results, and a strong return on investment for any company that I work for. I never want to forget the strong work ethic that got me through this program: always making sure to give everything my most sincere effort, and never being afraid to ask for help if I didn’t know how to do something. I want to be quick to apologize if I make a mistake, and make sure I always find a way to make things better than when I started a project. I hope that at each place I work, I make an impact, and make the lives of the people I work with better and brighter. I want to continue to foster strong communication skills, not be afraid of conflict, and be a voice of reason when seeking a resolution. I want to be a role model for other young women, who also want to work in the field of business and raise a family, proving that there are no limits on success when you put your mind to it and give it your all. Most of all, I want to make sure that I always remember what is important in life, balancing work and family and overall not just doing well, but, doing good. 

Beyond these first ten years, I want to take all of the things that I have learned and will learn, and apply them to being a great leader. I want to be the leader that encourages people to keep things in perspective, to look at the big picture and to gauge success not just on numbers and dollar signs, but also on happiness, and overall life satisfaction. I will achieve this by taking all of the things I have learned, and all of the things I will continue to learn with each passing year, and make sure I live a life of greatness. I will foster a strong corporate culture that cares for its employees, and will think of others before myself. 

If I can achieve these things, I will be able to look back on my life and feel that I was not only successful in my business career, but also that I had made an impact on the world. 

All of these people deserve hand written cards all over again, but a special thanks goes out to:

Dr. Ruesch, for confirming that business was the right choice after all, and never letting me forget it.

Professor Rankin for your advising for all those years, and for celebrating all the small victories with me along the way.

The international business program of Spring 2013- you reminded me to take life a little less seriously, and to enjoy each moment as it came.

Linda, for the chocolate, as I sat, sobbing in your office begging you to help me understand the accounting ( I promise to bring you chocolate once the baby is here so you can eat chocolate and see a cute baby!).

Mary for staying with me that night till 11PM, and telling me I could do it, no matter what, and for putting me in touch with Grace.

Grace- where would I be without you? Your calm, level headed analysis of my transcript, and recommendations for which classes to take next were invaluable. I doubt I would have made it through the program without you.

Ian- for continuously inspiring me, and reminding me why I had fallen in love with not only business, but marketing in general.

Val- your steadfast direction and take no shit attitude is inspiring, and you are truly one of the greatest professors I have ever had.

My Family- for the many nights of tears, glasses of chardonnay and reminders that my self worth was not found in a spreadsheet.

My Husband, Sean. I would be nowhere without you. From coffee to dinner, sacrificing time with me and listening to my woes, you are the real MVP. I promise that over the next year, I will be here to take the night time change before your final, buy your favorite beer, and listen to everything you hate about being back in school.

And finally, my Dad. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a good man in a storm. For being my ultimate role model and for reminding me to never give up. Thank you for the shoulder to cry on, the ear to rant at, and for the laugh always just when I needed it.

These have been the hardest and most exhausting three years. Until my sweet daughter is here, this is the thing I am most proud of in my life. In 9 days, I will present my thesis and hand Val her long awaited thank you card. In 54 days, my sleeves will be a little longer, my hood a little more drab, and that coveted piece of paper will be mine.

And this whole thing will be over- a distant dream as I welcome tiny girlfriend into the world.

To the young woman wondering if she should do this: do it. Give it your all and never give up. You are strong, and you are more powerful than you realize. I believe in you.

Lifestyle

Happy Halloween! We are Having a Baby!

October 31, 2018

Wow! I cannot believe today is finally here. I feel like I have been waiting for this day for ages.

In August, I threw Sean a surprise 30th birthday party. If you know me in real life, you know that secrets are NOT my forte. I can’t even keep a Christmas present a surprise for very long. But I planned a big ole party and people flew in from across the country, all to celebrate and love Sean! It was a great success, and that love is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

Not long after his party, we found out we were going to have a baby! I wish I could tell you that this was all romantic and involved us sitting together waiting for the countdown to end like you see in all those commercials. But actually, I really didn’t think I was pregnant, and the Frontier guy was at my house fixing something for my TV when I took the test (I can see the story now- Once Upon a Time, while a nice stranger was making sure I could watch Grey’s Anatomy, I found out you existed… you know, maybe I’ll actually write that story some day =p). Imagine my surprise when It came up with that tiny life changing word: pregnant. That ain’t no etcha sketch…That’s one doodle that can’t be undid home slice! A side note- due to the fact that I have been charting my cycle for 4.5 years, we knew about this little babe 2-4 weeks sooner than most people even find out they’re pregnant. If you want to know more about this really cool process, message me, and I can put you in touch with some incredible people who really know what they are talking about!

Sean had coincidentally forgotten something he needed at work, so I ran to TJ Maxx and got the cutest little honest company diapers, and the most hipster onesie I could find and I drove down to where he works and told him I had one last birthday gift for him. The look on his face when he saw the diapers is not one I will soon forget.

Every moment has just been such a beautiful blessing so far. Now look, don’t get me wrong- I have been feeling awful. I easily sleep 10-12 hours a night. I was having pretty rough “morning sickness” (ummm hello that’s a really awful misnomer because I didn’t get sick until the late night which made sleeping really hard lol). But thank God for modern medicine, and for the very kind nursing staff at Candlewoood Medical Group. I swear I call them at least once a week with the dumbest questions ever and they do not ever miss a beat and even thank me for calling them. Makes me feel awesome rather than stupid for calling.

As we’ve told family and friends our wonderful news, I have been incredibly overwhelmed by the amount of LOVE that already exists for this tiny peanut that is growing inside of me. My mind is blown. We have had nothing but hugs and tears and big cheers of congrats. Everyone deserves this kind of love every single day.

We were so excited when we found out that we were going to be pregnant during Halloween season because it was on my bucket list to dress up as Juno while being pregnant. Imagine my surprise when Sean actually suggested we announce like that! I was thrilled!

This baby is everthing we have hoped for, dreamed for, worked for and prayed for. Three years ago when we said I do, we knew that this is where our life was heading, and I could not be more honored or excited to start this journey.

Quick stats:

  • Baby has already been to TWO concerts: Sir Elton John and the amazing Joe Pug.
  • Starting at around 5Pm the baby gets all jumpy and when I lay down I swear I can feel he or she moving because something is definitely tickling my completely empty bladder.
  • I have completely given up on pants. They just aren’t worth it. Leggings are my absolute best friend, and thank God it’s fall and I get to wear them with tunics and swearters and scarves and boots. It’s glorious.
  • My first craving was for egg rolls. My second craving was cinnamon dolce coffee. I am currently drinking peppermint mocha coffee and it’s honestly delicious. This is a far departure from my usual dark coffee with plain half and half in it lol.

I am so looking forward to this advent season- to share with Mary the quiet excitement of being pregnant and having a tiny soul to cherish.

If you read all of this, thank you for walking this journey with me. I have missed writing, and now that the secret is out, I can’t wait to start again. And I can’t wait to see how becoming a mom helps me to grow and change into the person I was always meant to be.

 

(Still looking normal)

 

(YES! I still spin- leaving for morning workout here)

 

(Grow baby Grow! I can’t believe I have changed even since this picture just one week ago!)

 

 

 

Lifestyle

Becoming My Best Self

June 5, 2018

As you may or may not yet know, I am a fairly particular person.

I prefer Starbucks coffee. I need a 5 blade razor. I love polo button down shirts. I will never go back to a non apple product for a computer.

I am really conscious of what I put on my skin. Safe, natural, clean beauty products and sun safety.

I am really conscious of what I put in my body. When I am on my A game, I can Primal Blueprint Diet with the rest of them.

One thing I am really not good at? What I do for my body. Let me put it frankly: I hate working out with the passion of 1000 suns. I find it absolutely dreadful. If I am running, you better run too, because something is chasing me!

So… I am embarking on a revamp of my relationship with food, and the way I treat my body.

So many times I have tried to “hack” my body with quick, intense workouts meant to give extreme results. I always give up, more dejected than the time before because I just can’t seem to stick it out. I also have a hard time with diets that give you portion control or sever limits- I am not trying to lose weight, just treat my body better, and feed it better things than chicken nuggets okay?!

Enter The 2b Mindset. Listen. I have tried other Beachbody Workouts (^^^ahem) and I have not been able to get myself to full capacity doing these programs. My sister does CrossFit and is awesome and says then can scale it… but I hate working out remember?

The 2b Mindset seems to be all about changing ones relationship with food and the way it affects once’s body, with emphasis on eating foods that are better for you, and no guilt for that Cadbury Milk Chocolate Caramel straight from England (I’m looking at you babysitting house!).

I am posting this here because I want to hold myself accountable. I want to eat better, and try to get some kind of allotted and specific physical activity in at least 3 days a week- even if they aren’t those body hack workouts that will get me a six pack in time for my cruise =p .

For the next few months (and hopefully forever after that!) I will be spending time to really examine how I treat my body, and how I can treat it better.

How do you do these things? How do you make time for self care? Personal Development? Honestly, give me all the secrets because I really need them here 😉

Lifestyle

Monthly Subscription Planner? Sign Me Up!

May 29, 2018

So it’s not really a secret that I am a big fan of planners.

I live by the planner. If an appointment is in my planner, I will be sure to attend to it, and I will be all sorts of disoriented if I don’t meet you.

I also get all out of whack if I am not able to systematically cross out each and every item on my to do list in my planner each and every day.

Most of this stems from a psychiatrist once telling me that I could manage my ADHD without medication.

And you know what? … It totally worked! As long as I can keep track of my day to day goings on in a planner, I am able to calmly focus each part of my day and with intention get through each task I have planned.

I am always on the hunt for the perfect planner. Each year, this evolves, and I get closer to figuring out what it exactly looks like. For a lot of years, I used a plain moleskin planner (though this did not leave a ton of space for a multitude of tasks- just 5 or 6. I often have upwards of 20 tasks to accomplish in a day!).

I tried Erin Condren (something didn’t sit right) and gave the Blessed is She Planner a try (gosh I wish this had been the perfect planner for me- it is so well thought out, and literally has everything- it just didn’t sit well with me, and what I was looking for to help me manage my ADHD. The new one was just released, and I honestly wanted to buy it so much, but really had to convince myself to give something else a shot- I could always come back if it was truly the best planner for me).

I ultimately decided I would go back to moleskine when something caught my eye and really intrigued me.

Have you ever heard of Silk + Sonder?

This is a monthly subscription service that sends you a new planner each month- but it is so much more than a planner. It’s a habit tracker, a carefully curated bullet journal, a gratitude journal, and a beautiful work of art to boot.

I was skeptical- how could this really be beneficial to someone who needed to book things four months in advance?

You. Guys. This planner/journal combo has been pretty freakin awesome! It has helped me to stop and reflect on not only my day, but also my goals, my current habits, and the habits I want to change. It inspires me, and is honestly a delight to carry around. It is thin enough to fit in my iPad case, and lighter than anything I have ever brought around. It has enough spaces for all of the little things that I have to do, gives me room to be creative and also keeps me focused on mindfulness and gratitude.

I just received my June issue, and honestly? I am obsessed. It is so stinkin cute! So summery, and such a delight to get to put in my bag each day.

Click here to check out this awesome company!

Lifestyle

Nothing More & Nothing Less

April 23, 2018

Oh friends. I did a silly thing today.

Today, I told one of my dearest friends that I was finally okay with whatever God had in store for me this upcoming year.

WHY would I ever do that?

Do you ever have that moment, where you feel complete peace and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM out of seemingly nowhere, a self doubt stronger than you’ve ever known creeps in and you’re in tears faster than you can say “I’m okay”.

No? Just me?

Okay, well… that’s where I am right now. There is a pretty big part of me that is really excited for this new adventure- to see what it is exactly that the Lord has planned for me.

There’s also a part of me that is *loudly* shouting; THIS IS NOT A PART OF THE PLAN. YOU ARE RUINING THE PLAN. MAYDAY. MAYDAY. GET IT TOGETHER.

And honestly, I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I knew what the heck I was doing, and if this trusting in God’s plan thing was really going to work after all.

But I have no idea. Right now, I feel like I am stuck between two phases of life. Older than the typical college grad, probably should have a job. Younger than all my friends who have three kids, but married for Almost three years without kids.

I am in no man’s land, and am figuring it out.

How was I so happy and confident this morning, then all of a sudden was doubting everything I was doing by 6PM?

Life.

Happy Monday folks.

Honestly, something tells me I will never not be in a phase of trying to figure my life out.

10 years ago, it was what college should I go to, what would my major be?

5 years ago, it was how would I ever find a guy who wasn’t the worst?

My track record has been pretty good so far in winding up just where I needed to be. 10 years later I am almost done with a Masters in Business Administration. 5 years later I am married to an incredible man.

So maybe I don’t have the answers right now. But maybe I will also look back in 5 or 10 years and know that this moment was the one that launched me into greatness.

I only have to know the plan for tomorrow. No more. No less.

And ultimately?

I am going to be okay.

Lifestyle

When Change is Good

April 16, 2018

I have realized something recently. I am a creature of habit.

House Blend coffee with half and half every morning.

Apple Products for life.

Find one pair of jeans that fits? QUICK! Buy every single color because you can never find jeans that simultaneously cover your booty and your ankles.

Never switch your planner. No matter how beautiful the new planner looks, or how much you want to be even more organized, you will always go back to the OG black, hardcover moleskin.

These things seem trivial and quite frankly, they are. But they are indicative of a deeper personality trait that I seem to have.

I like an established routine, and sometimes often I have trouble with changes to my routine.

Then I read an instagram post from an account called One Hail Mary at a Time. If you’ve never heard of her, click here to check her out!  In this post on Instagram, she basically said that her and her husband will evaluate where they are in life and if something isn’t working, they make the change to what is going to be best for them.

And somewhere, deep in the recesses of my soul, I knew I needed to make a change that was bigger than just my planner or my morning beverage choices. I needed to make a change that would bring peace to the incredibly weary heart I have been carrying around inside of me.

I have known this for a long time now, and this instagram post, coupled with a bible study of Esther really gave me the courage to start the process of making the changes I need to make to be the best version of myself, the version of myself that God wants me to be.

In the spirit of authenticity that this blog has come to embody, I just wanted to admit that this is hard for me. It’s all still really new, but I am coming to ask for prayers as I start this new journey, and try to figure out what exactly it is I am supposed to do next.

Between the pursuit of a masters degree, a trip to the ER and a retreat that I MC’d, a lot has happened in the past four months of this year 2018.

Each of these events has left a mark on my soul, and has stirred in me a new desire to give back to the world in a better way than I was.

I’m sure as time goes on, I will have the opportunity to tell you more about all these big changes, but for now, throw up an extra Hail Mary for me if you think about it.

I’ll be praying for you as well.

 

Lifestyle

Spring Has Almost Sprung!

April 10, 2018

Hello Friends!

I have been waiting for spring like a kid waits for Santa Clause on Christmas Eve. Honestly any time I see a blue sky I am like oh great its gonna be warm now?! Okay?! Okay!

Then it’s still cold and miserable and generally snows about 3 seconds later.

I am SO ready for spring. I am ready for flowers and birds chirping and sunshine and those sweet few weeks where it’s not yet too hot, but you also only need a sweatshirt to be comfortable outside.

Spring just brings about a sense of renewal. And with this longing for spring, I have been trying to bring about renewal in many places in my life.

Cleaning my house. Doing my homework in the daylight hours. Eating a primal diet again. Setting up dinner parties with friends. Celebrating victories as they come (640 I am looking at you!). But with all this refreshed zeal for life, there came a dreaded realization.

My MacBook has begun its slow descent into its next phase of life.

That trusty MacBook Air has seen me through a lot. Finishing my undergraduate degree. Most of a masters degree. A tumble out of the hands of clumsy TSA agent.

But it’s poor brain just can’t handle another round of 35 page papers. As I began to think about its ultimate demise and what would be the next best option to finish out my MBA and be able to do all the things that I love to do, I fell down the rabbit hole.

Should I go for the desktop? Another MacBook? Certainly an apple product. After a decade of using apple products, I was never going to be able to make the switch to a PC without losing my ever loving mind.

I thought I had settled on buying the rose gold MacBook. It was familiar, seemed more portable than my MacBook Air and of course, it was pink.

But then I pulled up YouTube and did a bad thing. I searched for: iPad Pro vs. MacBook.

Could I really replace my computer with a tablet? What about the full keyboard? A lack of a mouse?

I started to think about what I really use the computer for, and realized that I was mostly responding to emails all day, blogging a couple times a week and perusing social media.

I edit documents. I send them back for approval.

Once school is done, it becomes even less. Did I really need another computer? Would the iPad suffice?

After many more hours of research and playing around on my mom’s iPad Pro for a day, I decided the iPad would more than likely be the right move.

So here I sit on my mom’s couch, iPad in tow with a magic keyboard on my lap and an Apple Pencil by my side, writing to you about what my new workflow is going to look like.

The Verdict: so far so good (though I have only been at this for 48 hours so let’s check back in 6 months).

I have a really  good feeling about this new set up. Ultra portable. Ultra Versatile. Pretty in Pink. Simultaneously a lightweight “computer” and ultimate portable Netflix viewing machine, this seems like a good fit.

Now- for all you tablet hating computer purists, I will say that old faithful will remain on my desk at home. Microsoft office will be alive and well on the MacBook Air that sits at home, and when I need to cry real tears about excel it will be there for me. I plan to back a lot of things up onto an external hard drive and then let that little computer that could just quietly work it’s way into retired life.

As the season changes and the sun starts to make its debut, how are you embracing this renewal? Big and small, I want to hear them all!