Oh friends. I did a silly thing today.
Today, I told one of my dearest friends that I was finally okay with whatever God had in store for me this upcoming year.
WHY would I ever do that?
Do you ever have that moment, where you feel complete peace and everything seems to be going so well and then BAM out of seemingly nowhere, a self doubt stronger than you’ve ever known creeps in and you’re in tears faster than you can say “I’m okay”.
No? Just me?
Okay, well… that’s where I am right now. There is a pretty big part of me that is really excited for this new adventure- to see what it is exactly that the Lord has planned for me.
There’s also a part of me that is *loudly* shouting; THIS IS NOT A PART OF THE PLAN. YOU ARE RUINING THE PLAN. MAYDAY. MAYDAY. GET IT TOGETHER.
And honestly, I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I knew what the heck I was doing, and if this trusting in God’s plan thing was really going to work after all.
But I have no idea. Right now, I feel like I am stuck between two phases of life. Older than the typical college grad, probably should have a job. Younger than all my friends who have three kids, but married for Almost three years without kids.
I am in no man’s land, and am figuring it out.
How was I so happy and confident this morning, then all of a sudden was doubting everything I was doing by 6PM?
Happy Monday folks.
Honestly, something tells me I will never not be in a phase of trying to figure my life out.
10 years ago, it was what college should I go to, what would my major be?
5 years ago, it was how would I ever find a guy who wasn’t the worst?
My track record has been pretty good so far in winding up just where I needed to be. 10 years later I am almost done with a Masters in Business Administration. 5 years later I am married to an incredible man.
So maybe I don’t have the answers right now. But maybe I will also look back in 5 or 10 years and know that this moment was the one that launched me into greatness.
I only have to know the plan for tomorrow. No more. No less.
I am going to be okay.