On Transitions Big & Small

February 18, 2019

Hey there friend. It’s been a while, and for that I am sorry. The past few months have flown by without me even realizing it, and I can’t really even begin to fathom where the time has gone.

My life has been one giant series of transitions. I am about to no longer be a student. I have been a student for nearly a decade! That’s nearly 1/3 of my life. But more importantly, I am about to become a mom. And that is something I can’t even begin to fathom.

Pregnancy has changed me in a radical way. I am probably one of the most Type A people there ever was. I do not feel a sense of calm unless things are in order, my planner is full of carefully scribbled out to- do lists and I have accomplished a vast multitude of things in any given day.

I was the queen of multi-tasking. I could talk to a friend while simultaneously taking care of emails for school, and could do homework while watching Netflix (okay that one still happens =p). I could read three books at once, work three different jobs, go to school in the evenings, volunteer at the parish youth group and also play holy hours at any parish that asked me to. I was able to schedule times to see all sorts of people- for coffee, for drinks, a quick dinner here, or a target run there.

You know what else I was able to do? Drink 7 cups of fully caffeinated cups of coffee a day. Sleep less. Drink wine. I was burning the candle at both ends, and living on fumes.

These days, things move a little slower, and priorities shift a little bit. I have my half caf, and if I really want to treat myself, I have an extra cup of decaf (more for the concept of drinking coffee than for the caffeine intake- sometimes I just miss having a long drawn out morning) later in the day. I eat every few hours because there’s not too much room left in there with tiny girl getting bigger.

Between doctors appointments, and school meetings, and individual assignments and internship meetings and nesting, and a deep need for sleep, my communication with friends has pretty much dwindled to what can happen on my phone in the fleeting moments that aren’t being eaten up by all of the things I need to get done. Text messages, and Marco Polo and Instagram have become an awesome way to check in and let people know I still love them.

And though there’s a part of me that feels like this isn’t enough and this doesn’t live up to the me of seven months ago, there’s a bigger part of me that is embracing this new phase of life. As school wraps up, and we get closer to baby girl’s arrival, I am starting to settle into a little bit slower pace of life around here.

I won’t lie to you- somedays, its hard to imagine. A schedule that revolves only around my own child. A schedule where I just have to put dinner in the crockpot and take care of the baby all day simultaneously sounds like the best thing to happen to me in years, and also like I might blow a micro chip since I have been running past full capacity for so many years.

But I am learning how to take a deep breath, and find peace in the simplicity. To find joy in having time to go to the post office, or putting together an actual dinner that tastes good and is well balanced. I am learning to find profound satisfaction in accomplishing things like washing clothes and sorting them by size. This means that my little love has awesome clothes for the next year, and she won’t be cold. I am learning the joy of going through all my t-shirts from college and clothes that will not fit me again and packing them up to go live a life that will bring someone else joy. This process has helped me to find out what I think my style is, and has helped me to better define who I am, and what I want out of life. I am rejoicing in simplifying our life, and making room for all of the great and wonderful things that come with having a little baby.

Old me would have been totally freaked out by the magnitude of these transitions. But current me is taking it all one day at a time. Holding myself to a more gentle standard, and allowing myself the wiggle room to not only be imperfect, but to be okay with this imperfection, and not care what other people think of me.

Cheers to new phases of life, to the friends that stick around when your life changes, and the people near and far who love you always.

They say it takes a village, and man am I grateful for the incredible village that I have. If you’re reading this- thanks for being a part of mine. Your love and support mean the world to me.

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