I read today’s first reading and was like: uh oh. There’s that golden calf. You know, I always found this to be odd. People worshipping a cow made out of gold? Really doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.
Until I put it into terms I can understand. How often do I worship at the altar of the Almighty A (and no I am not talking about pretty little liars)? Slaving away for hours neglecting my home, my prayer life and my friends to guarantee perfection? Day in and day out, slamming away at the macbook keyboard promising myself that if I can stay up for just a little bit longer, I will make time to pray and make time for friends and family. How many times have I said no to wonderful adventures God had planned for me these past 3 months because I so desperately NEED the A?
When I think about it like that, I am stopped dead in my tracks. Sure I didn’t melt down all of my precious metal but… I have sacrificed the things that bring my closer to God for what I think will make me a successful and happy individual.
But I am exhausted and quite frankly kind of miserable.
And so here I am.
I am here to say that I need to make a change. I need to start focusing on the things that are going to actually bring me to Him and not on the things that are making me successful according to the world. I need to accept that I am exactly where I need to be in this phase of my life, and that just because I am not doing what I view as big important work, doesn’t mean that my work isn’t important at all.
And in the recesses of my heart something is quietly saying: you can be happier. Your fight for joy doesn’t have to be as difficult as you are making it. Learn the balance then let me know how that fight for joy is going. One day at a time. Blink and the year will be gone. 3 months and 6 days until this class is done. Don’t let it absorb you body mind and soul. Make the time.
I am really going to try for the next three months to figure out what that balancing act looks like and how to spend my time doing more of what I was created to be doing.