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Day 2: When Your Prayer Ends With a Question Mark

February 16, 2018

“If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23

I don’t know about you but the second I read this I was like: oooookayyyy. Those are some hefty demands there friend. We all know that the cross was gruesome and beyond painful. Why in the world would I want to take up my cross daily?

But then, I come face to face with reality and I realize that I will most likely (like… 99.99 %positive on this fact) never face the cross.

So what does this gospel mean for me then? How could this language apply to me if I will not ever be faced with such a burden?

There is a saying: God only gives you what you can handle. Sometimes I disagree with the load He’s decided I can handle but that is a story for another time.

It it is in this “handling” that I start to see the strength (or lack there of) of my relationship with God.

Work. School. Life. Faith.

Balance is not an easy thing in this season of my life.

But I continuously find myself saying: Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you? Jesus…. I trust in you (said in exasperated tone).  Do I believe it? About 50% of the time. The other 50% is questionable, but I know that if I just keep saying it over and over, offering it as my prayer, one day I will learn how to trust Him.

I will someday trust that His timing is better than mine.

I will someday trust that when He closes doors, it is only so that better ones can be opened.

I will someday trust that He had a perfect plan all along.

But for now: Jesus, I trust in you.

 

 

When my nana passed away 13 years ago, it was rather sudden. I gave my Da (grandfather) my original copy of this diary, and when he passed away, the copy was long gone. Thankfully the letters we wrote, and the studies we did together on this story of mercy still exist in my letter box in the basement. I was really missing him a few weeks ago, and decided it was time I had my own copy of the diary once more.

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