Confession: I have a hard time asking for help.
Sometimes I have built a giant wall around myself and I sit inside my fortress waiting for the storm to pass.
I am in a season of my life where the storm isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and I am becoming exhausted from just trying to wait it out.
I know this about myself, and yet still when I feel the pull to meet with someone, or go to bible study or do something for myself that would help me to better survive the storm, I tell myself I just don’t have enough time. I don’t want anyone to know I don’t have my life together. Everything seems so perfect and like I am right on track. They can’t know.
What a lonely existence.
My husband is the people’s champ. He cleans the kitchen. He lets me watch my creepy tv shows that he doesn’t want to watch. He even sits through Grey’s Anatomy with me (he’s kind of invested- don’t let him lie to you).
But sometimes, you just need a girlfriend who knows what the storm is like.
I had been meaning to reach out to my friend since the weather turned cold. But week after week I found another reason to put it off and hid away in my fortress.
I finally texted her- “hey, thinking of you! Would you wanna get together? We could even do a target run if thats best for your schedule!”
Thankfully she said yes! And something amazing happened. As we wandered the aisles and caught up, I realized she was joyfully accepting life and was able to be peaceful and happy. She lifted my spirit just by listening. She gave me solid advice and when I left target something almost magical happened.
I went home and with a big smile on my face dove into finishing my paper. I felt like I could actually do all these hard things that just hours before felt like they would be my demise.
Maybe asking for help isn’t so bad after all. I found myself thanking God all day for the gift of my friend, and for the time we had spent together. We made plans to get together again soon, and I very much intend to do that.
Even though my days will be filled with multi tasking and stress, I am making a promise to myself to at least try to find the people that can help me through the mess.
And someday, when my mess is less- I hope to be that person for someone else too.